Breast Cancer Story
Becca was my best friend – we both knew that. Sometimes we find it hard to live without our best friends.
Somehow in her loyal Shepherd mindset, she knew I was her first priority. She was always my guide, my protector and above all my friend.
She would have none of this nonsense, she knew there was something terrible wrong with me. She knew it before I knew it. We were never apart except when I traveled in the car. She hated that because she felt I was leaving her as I went about my errands. Leaving her at home seemed to be the best option; she knew I would always return home and not just drive about and worry what was happening to me in my absence. But then I had to face the reality that Becca was changing. It was not that I felt insecure with her. Just – her habits changed.
When we went out for our walk every morning she kept staring at the highway about 300 yards away from the house. I called, “Becca” she did not immediately respond. Just kept staring at the road. Watching, I would again call her, she seemed mesmerized by that road, she would slowly turn and after waging her tail she was immediately by my side.
Becca was always afraid of cars and I knew this, but everything seemed to be changing lately and I sensed, somehow, that she wanted to go to that road. I remember chiding her, “Becca, don’t even think of it.”
All our happy days ended when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Although I couldn’t take Becca for walks anymore – the diagnosis, the tests, the operations. Becca always seemed just so thrilled when I returned home. She was her exuberant self arriving home after the last Chemo and quite exhausted I filled her food dish. Normally she would eat her dinner and then go to the barn to help Tom feed the horses.
As I sat in the kitchen, completely exhausted, I heard Tom call for Becca which was inordinate, since this was the highlight of her day since we did not walk together anymore. I walked to the door and saw her dinner had not been touched.
I heard brakes screeching and then a loud thump. I KNEW, I KNEW Becca had been hit by a car on that road! I didn’t want to but I forced myself to the deck and heard noises and lights from down below. I sank to the deck floor hoping with everything in my now weakened body that it could not be what I thought. But I knew Becca had been killed by a car. As Tom returned he told me what I already knew. My beloved Becca was dead.
But ya know I knew she committed suicide because she could not face life without me. I sat there and I grieved but I could not cry. It seems Chemo does something that dries up your life forces and makes you numb.
I knew just as Becca knew, friends are forever and she could not face the fact she might loose the best friend she ever had. Animals just know – they just know.